Interview with Satan

If interview was possible with Satan the answer to my questions would’ve been in the following way:

Interviewer: What’s your name?

Satan: Iblis! Belong to family of Jinn (Al-kahf – 50) which is made up of fire (Al-Hijr -27). To whom a human being cannot see (Aaraf -27) and Jinn cannot show himself to anybody and can’t change his appearance. Also I can’t make human hear my voice as such I cannot give them any profit or loss. But! I have been granted the authority to whisper (evil suggestion) in their hearts (Ibrahim-22 & Naas). Beloved human beings call ‘Satan’ to me and my children.

Interviewer: Generally our brothers and sisters have a complain that even after reciting “Aauzubillahi minash shaitaan nirrajeem ” you never go?

      Satan: Excellent! You are saying I never go I’d rather say I never come.

Interviewer: Funny! What makes you crack jokes on it?

Satan: To play jokes and make fun is the work of ignorants. May be you didn’t get me properly. You might have seen an electoral candidate begging for votes and it’s a regular election time drama for you. And then candidate with his party members go door-to-door asking for votes. But! When any one from this group knocks the door of a known person (inclined to his party), he stops his group member and moves ahead to another door saying “No need to knock and waste time. He already our guy! ”.  The same way you are also my people.

Interviewer: What! Never mind, would you please tell me why were you rejected and disgraced? Looking at your previous record I may not trust you, try to tell me the true story.

Satan: Cool! Today I promise to say the truth and nothing else. This is first time indeed, Although in many law courts my companions hold the Quran and repeat the same sentence. But I wonder on hearing your words and tell you the true story. With face and appearance you seen to be educated. Looks like you belong of one of my branches of education. Now tell me more than Allah, who’s words would be true?

Interviewer: No one else’s.

Satan: Liar! If you believed the best of all are Allah’s words, you never dare to ask such a question. Fool! 1500 years ago, through the true and pure words (the language of Muhammad Sallallaho Alaihiwasallam) Allah revealed everything words by word. And even today the same written pattern is available in every house. How sad! Till today you didn’t find time to open and read at it. Again according to my guidance (misguidance) you wrapped it in some shiny scented cover and kept it at a high place. You open and look at it only at the time of someone’s death (though the book is meant for the living humans) and couldn’t understand what is written in there.

Masha Allah! Belief must be like this. Woe to yourself that I’m telling you the Quran’s teachings.

Don’t worry! I’ll translate it for you. When Allah Subhanawatala told the Angels that he is creating a being (Adam/mankind) which will have authority over every other thing on this earth. Then Allah proved Adam to be superior among all creatures. Then Allah ordered every other thing to bow down to Adam [bow= Allah created Adam with Authority over everything and ordered everyone to give up to the will of Adam](Baqara A-30-34, Ahzab-72). Everyone bowed but I refused. Allah tala questioned me what has prevented me from bowing down when He (Allah)has commanded. I told Him (Allah), “I am better than Adam. You have created me from fire and him from clay”. Allah disgraced and expelled me out from there. I prayed to Allah to respite me until the day Adam and his progeny shall be raised up again and it was accepted . Upon acceptance of my prayer, I decided and said to Allah. “Since you led me into error, I shall lie in wait for them along your straight path. And I shall come upon them from the front and behind, right and left; and you shall not find most among them thankful”. (Aaraf 12-17). Allah said that whom-so-ever follows me; He will fill all of them in Hell (Aaraf - 18).

This was the story. Now you know why I stand rejected. Those who call me cursed and rejected don’t even perceive the arrow in their eye and attempt to look for a particle in other’s eye. Have you ever considered your deeds?

I disobeyed Allah just once by not bowing down to Adam. So I stand rejected and named satan. Everyday Allah calls you to prostrate five times and you deny all five times. Are you not a greater satan than me? I wonder on the day of judgment how much worst cursed-one you would be.

You ignorants! I have challenged Allah that I would lead all of you astray and take along with me in the Hell. This is the honor you give to Allah! To accomplish my mission the mankind actually co-operates with me with full potential to prove me correct.

You speak very nicely but your hypocritical intentions and actions clearly shows that I was right at that time.

Allah has mentioned in the Quran that you never do the honor to Allah as you have been ordered to. Look at yourself and your deeds. Is this how the slaves of Allah are?

Interviewer: Your make others angry but today you are losing your temper. Have a glass of water. There are some more questions remaining. According to the pious saying of our beloved prophet Muhammad Sallallaho Alaihiwasallam you are imprisoned during Ramadhan. I want to know do you still play your cheap tricks during your imprisonment?

Satan: Good question! There is no doubt that I’m imprisoned during the month of Ramadhan but fortunately you are not imprisoned. Due to kind people like you moving freely in Ramadhan, my mission still continues. Even if it halts, there is no issue. As soon as the new moon (moon that signifies Eid-ul-Fitr next day) is seen what was to be done in the whole month of Ramadhan, I accomplish it in one night itself.

For instance:- In India a pious muslima fasts for the whole month of Ramadhan and on hearing the news of new moon feels free and happy. She wears a daring make-up, unveiled, leaving her fascinating hair open goes out to the market to visit the bangles store. The store keeper waits for this chance for the whole year. Then she gives her hand in his hands take the size and assist in wearing the bangles. Think about how furious Allah gets at this site! This is the time I dance with Joy.

What a wonderful site it is – rape with eyes, rape with hands and rape with ears. She is accompanied by her father, husband or brother who stands nearby her looking at this and are pretty fine with it.

How did you become so shameless?

If anyone apart from the bangles vendor catches her hand you may create the scene of curfew in the market.

That night music played loudly in every house, lane and market. Young guys teasing girls in the crowded market seeing which I couldn’t resist laughing.

Look at the false challenges of Quran and hadiths. Doesn’t Quran say that I’m your avowed enemy?  Doesn’t the Hadith of Muhammad Sallallaho Alaihiwasallam says that I’m imprisoned during Ramadhan?

Then what makes you enjoy in this way at the end of Ramadhan, on the new moon night.

Fools! When the enemy is released, do you enjoy by playing loud music and do all this? It’s certainly true that you never thought me to be your enemy. Your happiness on my release and the way you welcome me proves how much faith you have in me (blindly). Anyways! All you people are with me till now and if Allah wishes we all would be together in Hell too.

Interviewer: Allah better knows how people believe you. I smell enmity for humans from each word of yours. My soul doesn’t agree to ask you anymore questions.

Perhaps tell me about any incident where you and your cheap tricks fails?

Satan: A very painful question indeed! This is an incident of that time when Ibrahim (alai salaam -Prophet Abraham) dreamt about sacrificing his own son Ismail (alai salaam). This is something which hurts me badly and has been mentioned in the Quran that He tested Ibrahim (alai salaam) with certain commands and he fulfilled. One day Ibrahim (alai salaam) said to his son Ismail (alai salaam) that he dreamt sacrificing Ismail (alai salaam) and asked about Ismail’s (alai salaam) opinion. The son said to his father to obey what Allah has ordered him and also said if Allah wills Ibrahim (alai salaam) would find him patient enough. Both father and son started to step ahead with great intensity to fulfill the cause.

The son is going happily to sacrifice his youth, his handsomeness, his expectations and passion for life and father is going to sacrifice his fruit of hundred years prayer, his hope, and his beloved son.

Every time I was tortured by Ibrahim (alai salaam)and on that day I was very unpleasantly serious to spoil the game. I went running to his house and asked Hazrat Hajera (Hagar) where her husband and her little son (Ismail) were. She said that both of them went for a walk. I told her that she has been misled. “Ibrahim (alai salaam) has taken your son to sacrifice him. Run and save your son. Otherwise in some time you would be crying at his funeral”. Hazrat Hajera said, “How could a father sacrifice his own son? Ibrahim loves his son very much. Liar! Get lost from here”. I said, “How innocent are you. Today he would definitely sacrifice your son as Allah has ordered him.”

On hearing this Hajera said,”If this is Allah’s order then I have no objection to sacrifice even thousand Ismails.” When I went to Hajera I was totally confident of success as mother’s heart is very weak but I failed. Still I didn’t lose hope. I went running to Ismail (alai salaam) and negative again. With all courage I went to Ibrahim (alai salaam) again but got offended. I told him, “How intelligent and sane are you! Are you going to sacrifice your own son? What sort of smartness is this? There are many ways to make Allah happy. At this old age you got a son, so handsome that even moon would look fade. If you sacrifice him, there would be none to remember you after you. Your race will end. Your family will perish. And this dream which you are turning into reality can also be the whispering of satan. If Allah had to give this order, he should have sent Jibreel (Gabriel).”

Ibrahim (alai salaam) picked up stones from the ground and threw at me three times. I then realized that Ibrahim (alai salaam) is a real tough slave of Allah.

Allah has made this sacrifice as sunnah of Ibrahim (alai salaam) and you people sacrifice very costly animals every year but I know your intentions very well. You are wrong people of first quality. If you are not then stop taking bribes, using filthy language, lying, listening to music, watching movies, smoking, boozing, going to discos, bars, betting on games and declare openly that you have given up all these for Allah’s sake. But you won’t and sacrifice animals for the sake of your own pride and publicity. Brother! If there are any more questions, complete them soon.

Interviewer: Hold on! Don’t you dare call me your brother?

Satan: Have I told anything incorrect that you are going out of your mind. I spoke as per the Quran. On the night of shab-e-mearaj and shab-e- baraat you, with your children celebrate with crackers and what not. On the occasion of Basant (Sankranti) you celebrate by flying kites.

Marriages are celebrated with DJ’s, unveiled singers and dancers performing on the stage, crackers and fire work, custom of mehendi, video recording etc. Read through Surat Bani-Israil Ayat-27 where Allah himself has declared you as my brother. Then what makes you so inconvenient when I say it out loud.

Interviewer: Fine! Where do live generally?

Satan: Simple Address! Outside mosques, schools and religious gatherings. For instance look at the attendance of your mosque and learning Quran is vanishing day by day.

After so much of calling none attends except some elderly people which is the proof of my presence.

Interviewer: Strange! Won’t you be outside cinema halls or theatres?

Satan: You are an educated fool. My work is just to indicate that cinema has some nude scenes and it’s a must watch. Respectable people! You are present there before me. Then hundreds of people in one dark auditorium. Now tell me what’s left to waste time at those places.

Interviewer: Forgot to ask you what’s your diet?

Satan: By the kindness of friends like you, I get to eat chicken, mutton, kababs, biryani, pizza and what not.

Interviewer: Wonderful! From where do you purchase all these?

Satan: When you are there why do I need to buy.  When you start your food without remembering Allah (i.e Bismillah hir- Rehman nir Raheem – In the name of God, most Beneficent and Merciful) everything gets into my stomach.

Interviewer: Any proof please?

Satan: Shame on you. Even after the order of your prophet Muhammad Sallallaho Alaihiwasallam you need proof. Still if you are not satisfied, I can explain. In spite of eating good you do not have strength (cowards!) otherwise you might had courage.

Interviewer: Any special sin you wish as many people should indulge in?

Satan: Any sin whether major or minor; I never let a chance to go. But shirk (taking false god/gods/goddesses or anyone/anything that is equated in any way to the Almighty Allah – the only one God of all mankind) is one sin which makes me satisfied and there is no chance of my efforts getting wasted. Allah might forgive any number of sins but shirk is the one which will not be forgiven and this is my real earning.

Interestingly shirk is a real big concern when you children starts their schooling. One of the basic chapters would be learning names of days and months (as in Sunday, Monday ….. Saturday or Jan - Dec) and I get great pleasure out of it.

Interviewer: What’s the matter of happiness in this? These are the names of day and months.

Satan: Yes, I can explain the reason behind my pleasure. Listen carefully.

Names of Days:

Sunday – Sun’s day.

Monday - Moon’s day.

Tuesday – Tiu’s day (English/Germanic god of war and sky).

Wednesday – Woden’s day (woden is the chief Anglo- saxon/ teutonic god).

Thursday – Thor’s day (God of thunder).

Friday – Freya’s day. (Tentonic goddess of love, beauty fecundity).

Saturday – Saturn’s day (Roman and Italic god of agriculture).